here a short thanks note for you cousins...

i really appreciate your blog entry, it really mean alot to me... gosh i felt like crying sih... but i can't coz i am in public yup i am in class... i have been through so much with my family... everyone seems to hate each other and i don't even remember anything pleasant about them first start with the divorce and then i can't meet my own blood anymore... my grandpa pass away and everyone whom is seems to be siblings became strangers and then my step father family seems so perfect but it is totally argg... frustating... they tend to be good infront of people but they have so many deep dark secret then my uncle and all that and every body problems became my problems because they will all talk to me about it an d make me bacame the middle man... idiot i hate it... then it seems that everybody that is close to mee seems to dift apart so far away. Then came the family quarrel not only my mum side but both... no happy family renuion or whatever... i seems to hate everyone and when i do my own soul searching i don't even remember as to why do i hate them and what had cause the hateness in my heart... i have hated too many people till i lost myself too much... it's been hard life... people say i change but one but alot of them they say that i've change alot since i came back but the trust is i am lost in my own feelings and thought i miss the closeness... yup i received a tight slap just that tuesday for speaking my mind and now i am totally confused as to why.. yup nowadays i do say sorry to everyone even i know it's not my fault coz they always make it feels like it is my fault and i am really confused about me and my feelings that i don't even know when to get angry... so i made up my mind let everything taht have past go and just start a new which is kindda hard right know... every one seems to have their own expectation of me and i have to live up to their expectation... they all seems to know what i am how i behave how i feels everytime which makes me so confused as to how i really feels... honey... i love for your feelings coz we both know how we actually feels rite wawa... we are suppose to be close but yet we are drifted apart well... thanks ones more wawa and a big thanks to my guy coz he really always help me and advise me whenever it needs... love u lotsss... both of you...

here is what my closest person have to say...
Dear Cousin,

I pray that both you and your family are in the best of health. I read your blog and am very sorry for what that had recently took place. I hope that everything will be fine. Amin.


Im happy that you tagged me that particular message. I'm glad that you still remember me and that you still do read my blog to know what's happening in my life. At least I know you care.

Yes, I received a call from your father after so many years of his disappearance. I couldn't even remember when was the last time I saw him what more conversations we ever had. As you have read from my entry, he asked me how was I doing. I guess Mak was the one who gave him my number. Felt very touched when he called. Almost couldn't believe that I'm actually talking to him. I thought someone was playing a prank on me but these kind of things are not subjects to be joking about.

I remember you telling me that you only had one picture of him left. Had the intention to look into the cupboard full of albums and siphon for photographs of your dad and for you. Thing is that I don't have the time yet. Maybe we should get together one day and do it. Sometime soon...But please, don't be disappointed if we can't find any. At least we tried.. And if not,we will try to find pictures from other relatives.

This is a promise.

I somehow understand the feeling of loss that you have been carrying with you all these while.. because someone close left without leaving a trail but just small pieces of puzzle which is almost impossible to complete.

Remember those times we spent together?
Going back to your house everyday after school. You coming over to sleep or play. Having our meals together. Going everywhere together. Remember how Mak really took care of us?

I really miss those times.
Growing up made both of us go seperate ways but the bond and love we developed over the years spent together would never be lost.
I still love you the way i did 10 years back.

I hope that one day, we can break this tension our family is having. I want to bring everyone back together. I want to spend raya with my family, your family .. Mak and Bak.
Things have been so complicated.

There is so much to be done but so little that we can do.

I wish you all the best.
Do call me if you need someone to talk to.

With lots of love,
Wawa.